Revolution
First, I am seeking a revolution on a personal scale. A retooling of my own consciousness. I long for a deeper knowledge of myself than I had ever presumed could exist. I seek to identify the forces of the inner-self, the ego, the mind and the spirit, with exacting clarity. This would mean a transcendence from the physical. A transcendence from the chains of morality and society and structure. A coming up and out of the ocean of imposed economy and choice for that first true breath of life. It would mean a liberation from the coercive mentality of judgment. I grow weary of judging all things. I seek a singular moment in which I may realize that all things are not “good” or “bad,” “ugly” or “pretty,” valuable” or “useless,” nor even “right” or “wrong.” A moment of spiritual symmetry in which I realize that all things simply “are.”
I have some sense of these things. I can see the reflections of imposed cerebral judgment in the entirety of the world. War, famine and economic disparity appear to be the macrocosmical reflection of the force of selection. Nature created us by selection and has imposed upon us our own endless need to select. Every selection is made to the detriment of a denied option. Every “good” comes at the cost of a “bad,” which absolutely must exist in order to stand in contrast with the “good.”
If the physicists are right, and all matter is energy, and all energy matter, and time exists as a malleable backdrop on which the universe plays itself out a few galactic orgasms at a time, then the shaman seem to be right too when they proclaim that all things are “one.” I seek a tangible realization of this truth which I do, indeed, sense, but as yet have not comprehended.
I seek to be emulsified into the fabric of the universe, for in the loss of self I believe I will find ecstasy within the super-consciousness that is the living breathing web of energy connecting all things from the beginning to the end of eternity, and perhaps beyond.
This would be revolutionary in all senses of the word on a personal level. I find myself today whipped around by the winds of a weak mind and a weak constitution. I forever look to the future, trying to predict or manipulate it, always at the expense of the present moment. I am torn by personal anguish which is nearly always ephemeral, like a dull aching in the bones which can’t be identified as belonging to any particular portion of one’s body. I am offended, I cry, and I bend down before the economy of choice so often as to make me think that perhaps I am hopelessly lost to this subservient groveling position, as many others seem to be. Constantly I select. This food over that. This music over that. This girl over that. This expenditure of time over that.
The nagging feeling is that each selection is creating the “bad” from thin air, which only begs more selection in a vain attempt to alleviate the negativity associated with the creation of the “bad.” The “bad” seems not to exist at all until the moment at which I put my mind to the action of selection. At the moment of selection, I create “bad” or “wrong” and only then do I begin to identify the “wrongness” of the excluded thing. Selecting something as wrong requires that I actively denigrate it in my mind. I feel thus that I spend my time denigrating that which otherwise just “is.” The slandering of the mystical and presumably perfect universe and its constituent stuff seems to define my life. A life spent as such hurts at every juncture.
The ability to stop selecting is what I seek.
I don’t want the cheap bullshit of this world. Although I struggle inwardly now with these demons which change shape and sometimes become entirely transparent for intervals, I can see the silliness of the world as if it had never been unclear. The economy of selection and choice drives all things in this world and I am not confused by this any longer. We are dealing with a species that is willing to pay for its own indoctrination, because to be free of mind and spirit is a challenging thing, and is frightening, and doesn’t look like the simple and ignorant world we have known up until now.
I long for personal revolution and I long for global revolution.
Nothing is as it has seemed before, and the eccentric men receding into the mountains and into the desert and into cabins and tee pees and trailers for solitude are the ones we ought to be looking to for guidance. If life is about buying a set of walls with which to surround myself, and buying a set of wheels and a motor with which to move myself, and enslaving a woman with a ring of diamond with whom I may make children, then I would prefer death. This universe offers more than this profoundly unfulfilling imposed dream.
The universe is not about choice and selection and economy but about simply being and loving and breathing. I am sick to my stomach thinking about all the hours I lost in a classroom or in front of a televion or a movie screen being told “you can be anything you want to in life… as long as it involves making money and obeying an arbitrary set of laws which don’t reflect any real morality.”
The truth was, all along, that morality, like the laws, is arbitrary and subjective. Not meaningful in any way. Morality is a method by which men with resources and might justify their subjugation of people without. Morality is the false construct of the human race that justifies our ever having chosen “good” from “bad.” Before we made the fateful selection, things just were. When we selected “good,” “bad” was born. Morality is the denigrating process which parallels my own personal process of arbitrary denigration. Morality is a stuttering, weak justification for having taken a little bit of beauty and a little bit of freedom out of the universe.
I am not exactly thinking linearly right now.
Non-linear is not “bad,” though.
It just “is.”
I just “am.”
You just “are.”
Love.
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stormsea said:
The problem is that we are already chained.
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kundaliniflow said:
Will you marry me?. Just kidding..this was exactly what I needed at this moment. Thank you and I feel exactly the same way. I do still have hope after this year of revolutions.. Maybe 2012 will really change the world. Lots of love kimm
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lovesolution posted this
